This is what is filling me now in the wake of a recent physical & emotional inner storm. I learned many years ago to take heed when a virus brings a fever along with it. I have learned that it is always an opportunity to allow an inner conflict to burn itself out in the heat of this physical, mental & emotional fire. And that is indeed the gift I have received once again.
I have written before about my early life conditioning that taught me to believe that it is irresponsible to live in the present moment, for then we are not planning for the future in a way that will ensure we never become a burden on anyone else. And after years of sparring with this belief in the boxing ring of my own created conflicts, I am once again being given the eyes to see how untrue this really is.
I know I was a precocious and willful child at times. I was stubborn and determined to get my way when I was very young. And although much of that changed during the decades of my internment in public school, I still need radical measures, from time to time, to break free of this personal desire to control my life and my future. And an illness that keeps me bedridden is often just the cure that I need when my mind has become sick with self-striving.
My mind is always skeptical of any teaching that says that I can turn over the command of this ship to anything or anyone but ME. However, in the wake of this blessed inner storm I am weary and realize that turning over command to the Divine Source that is not separate from me is all I truly desire in the world. For to relinquish the inner fight is what my Soul has been calling me to all along.
So now I sink down deeply into the sacred darkness of this time of year, allowing all the busy people to pass me by. For my merriment comes from deep within me rather than the lights and frenzy of one more commercial christmas. In this deep and sacred stillness the voice of Christ permeates my weary mind and body and reminds me of what I have known all along……more than anything else, I seek the solace of knowing that all of my little plans are insignificant in the face of this Divine Calling. And as I let myself be cleansed of my worldly striving, I know that this sacred time is a passage into the realm of awareness where we see that we have indeed been held by Grace all along.
So I send you blessings and peace during this sacred season and pray that you too are able to feel the deeper calling that arises within you…..the calling to trust that home is right here…and it has been here all along.