So the final stage of my searching, spiritual or otherwise, is to finally surrender any sense of predetermined expectations about what I want & to see what is here. It is time to once again go inward for my guidance, on a deeper & calmer level than I have managed before. Now teachings that simply encourage me to listen to this inner voice & trust it are what interest me the most. And I remember too the power of the drawings that have come through me when I have let go of my need for making "good art".
I realize that this invitation has come to me at two other notable times in my life & each time, including this one, this organism has responded with incredible resistance. One time was soon after the untimely death of my mother and the other after I was prematurely retired from the papermaking career I loved & thought I would do forever. Only now can I see that the common denominator in each instance was the willingness to step out on this ledge of surrender to NOT KNOWING what my life is about or for. Each time the seismic eruptions from my unconsciously repressed fears & beliefs have been formidable.
So I am once again spending copious amounts of time in nature simply & quietly turning inward…..listening to the stillness within. The elements of nature speak to my senses and bring forth the deeper guidance that my Soul longs for. And I find there is peace here, inexplicable peace. And a certain readiness for I know not what. There is a greater willingness to re-engage with people & society again, but from a new perspective. Not a higher & loftier spiritual perspective as before, but a simple awareness that what I have held to be true has been yet another layer of conditioning that has presented itself for dissolution.
And all of these experiences shape how this website evolves. The beauty of this digital medium is its plasticity. Nothing is set in stone & so the story is free to re-write itself, or un-write itself as the case may be……..