The Deeper Remembering
Heart of Light by LJAmlie
How to possibly convey the events & experiences of the last seven years? What is it that causes the seismic tremors of our unconscious fears to generate sufficient pressure to begin to crack the calcified layers of forgetfulness that has kept our true Light from shining? I have written about this so many times & yet each time I approach the subject anew, I see that my old understanding of the story is now insufficient.
It feels most relevant to convey here that regardless of our understanding, or lack there of, there is an inner compulsion in at least some, if not all of us, to recover our conscious memory of our Authentic Selves – what I have come to call the Deeper Remembering. And whether or not we are aware of it, our Souls & the Forces of the Universe are acting on our behalf to align experiences that will serve that end. Once we make that quiet internal choice to Remember, it begins a cascade of synchronicities that serve that very desire. Granted, it is important to recognize that a series of unfortunate events is also synchronistic, even if it is not to our liking. So it is best we do our best to bring those deep unconscious layers of fear and conditioning up to the surface where we can begin to see how they shape the events and circumstances of our lives.
As for me, it was such an apparent “series of unfortunate events” that led to what I now call my “nervous breakthrough”. It required a team of dedicated doctors and worker’s compensation specialists to finally come to the authoritative conclusion that I was “permanently disabled” & would never be able to use my arms in any significant way to support myself again. As I look back now I think what better way for my Soul to help me learn that sustainable abundance does not rely on brawn, or even action for that matter. I know this is a bit heretical to many – the thought that it does not require action for our needs and desires to be manifest - but that is indeed what my Soul is asking, pleading me to remember.
So years of dedicated self-exploration ensued which included a master’s degree and certifications of numerous kinds. And in the process, something quite unexpected happened…I awoke one morning to the most inconceivable pangs of panic and anxiety that one could possibly imagine! I thank all of the benevolent forces of the universe that a dear friend came and assured me that “no I wasn’t going crazy, because he knew others who had and I was far to self aware of the process I was in for that”. And so, seemingly all at once, the internal pressure increased exponentially until the vessel and mind were quite near cracking wide open.
The synchronistic events that followed are far too numerous to convey here, but at one point I allowed myself to attend a workshop with a Brazilian Healer that shifted the internal levels of tension into a new somatic expression. What then resulted was a spontaneous kundalini activation that was quite disproportionate to the levels of training and preparation I had undergone. In the years following this I have now seen so many individuals, many of them middle aged women, who had similar experiences without the prescribed 7 years in an ashram to prepare them. So what the heck do you do then? For now my body and nervous system began to undergo a massive build-up of tension every time I was exposed to any ideas that were in conflict with my “Higher Self”. What do you do when you can’t sit through a class without having to take a break and go behind the building and convulse for 10 minutes just to relieve enough pressure to continue?
I tried every therapy and workshop imaginable and although I always had very impressive responses to the experiences that does not mean that it actually changed the patterns I was holding in my nervous system. I now look back at my desperate “smorgasbord” approach to healing with a compassionate cringe. How many of us exhibit “radical” symptoms that are quite baffling during the throws of our transformation? Although many sincere people extended their assistance during those years for which I am very grateful, it was only a few who really SAW me on a Soul level and were thus able to help me deal with this radical transformational experience. These blessed beings know who they are and know I am forever grateful for their willingness to accompany me on my journey.
As the process progressed, in hiccups I might mention and not the straight trajectory up the charkas like we’re often led to believe, I realized a few things. One was that the tendency to “push the river” is extremely prevalent in people who have trauma (including the little “t” of family and cultural conditioning) as a main catalyst for their transformation. This also makes us/them drawn to cathartic experiences that may offer dramatic releases, but can often actually deepen the pattern in the nervous system rather than resolve it. As important as it is for us to learn to express our feelings, venting years of repressed emotions in a cathartic outburst can have serious adverse side effects without remedying the underlying causes.
Second, I realized that you could excavate your past (this lifetime or many) like an archaeological dig and gain great amounts of insight, but still the body and the nervous system might not “grok” your understanding. For me it has been essential to utilize processes (not practices mind you, because for me this is not a dress rehearsal!) that allow the autonomic nervous system to remember its natural ability to discharge the held tension of traumatic experiences and maladaptive beliefs. During extensive training in trauma resolution I realized that many of these processes were actually tools for enlightenment, not just therapeutic interventions, and something one could continue to use and customize to fit one’s own unique constellation of dis-ease.
Lastly, if we can get our scared little egos to let go of their grip on the helm of the ship & allow our Highest Soul Self to navigate the ship’s passage, we will indeed receive all of the support and assistance we need to not only survive the sometimes radical process of transformation, but maybe, just maybe even enjoy the ride! This appears to be one of the hardest things to do and something we must remind ourselves of often. For the very process of transformation begins to quicken the energies that co-create the reality that swirls around us and we soon begin to dance upon “the razor’s edge”. It becomes so very important that we find ways to master our thoughts and emotions as they arise, or else we can find ourselves on a rollercoaster that is not easy to get off of. Can I, or anyone, tell you what that unique skill set will be? I doubt it. I can only share what has helped me and encourage you to trust your inner guidance to do the same. But we can offer guidance, empathy and encouragement to all others in the midst of this profound and essential process, knowing that this time we will succeed collectively in what we may have not have been able to do alone before.
I wish you deep blessings on your journey.
♡ Jeanette Amlie
It feels most relevant to convey here that regardless of our understanding, or lack there of, there is an inner compulsion in at least some, if not all of us, to recover our conscious memory of our Authentic Selves – what I have come to call the Deeper Remembering. And whether or not we are aware of it, our Souls & the Forces of the Universe are acting on our behalf to align experiences that will serve that end. Once we make that quiet internal choice to Remember, it begins a cascade of synchronicities that serve that very desire. Granted, it is important to recognize that a series of unfortunate events is also synchronistic, even if it is not to our liking. So it is best we do our best to bring those deep unconscious layers of fear and conditioning up to the surface where we can begin to see how they shape the events and circumstances of our lives.
As for me, it was such an apparent “series of unfortunate events” that led to what I now call my “nervous breakthrough”. It required a team of dedicated doctors and worker’s compensation specialists to finally come to the authoritative conclusion that I was “permanently disabled” & would never be able to use my arms in any significant way to support myself again. As I look back now I think what better way for my Soul to help me learn that sustainable abundance does not rely on brawn, or even action for that matter. I know this is a bit heretical to many – the thought that it does not require action for our needs and desires to be manifest - but that is indeed what my Soul is asking, pleading me to remember.
So years of dedicated self-exploration ensued which included a master’s degree and certifications of numerous kinds. And in the process, something quite unexpected happened…I awoke one morning to the most inconceivable pangs of panic and anxiety that one could possibly imagine! I thank all of the benevolent forces of the universe that a dear friend came and assured me that “no I wasn’t going crazy, because he knew others who had and I was far to self aware of the process I was in for that”. And so, seemingly all at once, the internal pressure increased exponentially until the vessel and mind were quite near cracking wide open.
The synchronistic events that followed are far too numerous to convey here, but at one point I allowed myself to attend a workshop with a Brazilian Healer that shifted the internal levels of tension into a new somatic expression. What then resulted was a spontaneous kundalini activation that was quite disproportionate to the levels of training and preparation I had undergone. In the years following this I have now seen so many individuals, many of them middle aged women, who had similar experiences without the prescribed 7 years in an ashram to prepare them. So what the heck do you do then? For now my body and nervous system began to undergo a massive build-up of tension every time I was exposed to any ideas that were in conflict with my “Higher Self”. What do you do when you can’t sit through a class without having to take a break and go behind the building and convulse for 10 minutes just to relieve enough pressure to continue?
I tried every therapy and workshop imaginable and although I always had very impressive responses to the experiences that does not mean that it actually changed the patterns I was holding in my nervous system. I now look back at my desperate “smorgasbord” approach to healing with a compassionate cringe. How many of us exhibit “radical” symptoms that are quite baffling during the throws of our transformation? Although many sincere people extended their assistance during those years for which I am very grateful, it was only a few who really SAW me on a Soul level and were thus able to help me deal with this radical transformational experience. These blessed beings know who they are and know I am forever grateful for their willingness to accompany me on my journey.
As the process progressed, in hiccups I might mention and not the straight trajectory up the charkas like we’re often led to believe, I realized a few things. One was that the tendency to “push the river” is extremely prevalent in people who have trauma (including the little “t” of family and cultural conditioning) as a main catalyst for their transformation. This also makes us/them drawn to cathartic experiences that may offer dramatic releases, but can often actually deepen the pattern in the nervous system rather than resolve it. As important as it is for us to learn to express our feelings, venting years of repressed emotions in a cathartic outburst can have serious adverse side effects without remedying the underlying causes.
Second, I realized that you could excavate your past (this lifetime or many) like an archaeological dig and gain great amounts of insight, but still the body and the nervous system might not “grok” your understanding. For me it has been essential to utilize processes (not practices mind you, because for me this is not a dress rehearsal!) that allow the autonomic nervous system to remember its natural ability to discharge the held tension of traumatic experiences and maladaptive beliefs. During extensive training in trauma resolution I realized that many of these processes were actually tools for enlightenment, not just therapeutic interventions, and something one could continue to use and customize to fit one’s own unique constellation of dis-ease.
Lastly, if we can get our scared little egos to let go of their grip on the helm of the ship & allow our Highest Soul Self to navigate the ship’s passage, we will indeed receive all of the support and assistance we need to not only survive the sometimes radical process of transformation, but maybe, just maybe even enjoy the ride! This appears to be one of the hardest things to do and something we must remind ourselves of often. For the very process of transformation begins to quicken the energies that co-create the reality that swirls around us and we soon begin to dance upon “the razor’s edge”. It becomes so very important that we find ways to master our thoughts and emotions as they arise, or else we can find ourselves on a rollercoaster that is not easy to get off of. Can I, or anyone, tell you what that unique skill set will be? I doubt it. I can only share what has helped me and encourage you to trust your inner guidance to do the same. But we can offer guidance, empathy and encouragement to all others in the midst of this profound and essential process, knowing that this time we will succeed collectively in what we may have not have been able to do alone before.
I wish you deep blessings on your journey.
♡ Jeanette Amlie