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Coming out of the Spiritual Closet

11/5/2013

28 Comments

 
PictureComing Out by Jeanette Amlie
When one has a tumultuous transformation it is easy to isolate and become a recluse. The challenge is to find a way to step back out into the world....not as one who is all fixed and healed, but as an authentic being not afraid to let others see who we really are, wounds & scars & all. 

In the beginning of my radical transformation, as I often call it, it felt like the ground within me was shaking apart, literally. My physical body, my emotional body and my mind were fragmenting in response to unconscious beliefs that were shattering without my conscious realization. I became afraid of myself and did not know what was happening to me. This is the point that many people become hospitalized or institutionalized as western medicine and psychology attempt to 'treat' their 'condition', rather than having the support they need to face this divine process and find resources to assist this disintegration of the old self. Yet however it unfolds, it is in divine hands.

During this time we can experience a plethora of unsettling symptoms that most people around us are unlikely to understand. For me it began with panic and anxiety that turned into powerful surges of energy attempting to move through my constricted body. Needless to say terror is an appropriate description of what I often felt. Yet there were others around me who saw and understood that this was indeed a divine process, which helped my little mind to trust it enough to allow it to unfold.

At one point in an attempt to dedicate the majority of my time to simply turning and facing my own darkness, I went up into the mountains and spent a winter in a remote cabin. During this time I utilized every skill I had learned to process what was seething up into my consciousness. Then, one day when I was deeply engaged in a process I called psycho-somatic journeying, I began to have visions and to 'speak in tongues'. Actually, it was one tongue, and it was both soothing and powerful. And somehow I was able to understand what was coming through me via the emotional content even though I could not understand the words themselves.

Soon after I received clear inner guidance to "come down out of the mountains and go into civilization". This was accompanied by a directive to "go North". Go North I thought! What was that about? Couldn't I get an address or a finger on a map or anything!?! But no…..I had to get in my car and just start driving North. And on my journey I realized that my "somatic richter scale" was to be my guide telling me which way to go and when I had arrived 'North'. 

This is when it got really interesting, because I had gone into the mountains to find safety in the secluded wilderness. For my fear was not of lions and tigers and bears, my fear was of discount stores and turnpikes and the judgement of people who could not understand what I was going through. I was mortified of what would happen if I started talking to the apples and oranges in the super market or writhing with kundalini energy during a social gathering??? And I will admit that 'coming out of the spiritual closet' was far more challenging than being in the mountains alone with my dog and cat and bobcats and coyotes and mountain lions. Yet the calling was clear and so I followed it as best I could.

I know that is why I was called to bring forth Blue Earth Awakening into the world, to be there for others like me who are scared senseless by their own process of transformation and just need others to help normalize the experience for them. For we don't need others to 'fix' us necessarily, (although we may feel like we do), as much as we need to be reminded constantly that we are not in control and we never were. We need to see and hear others who have the courage to walk the pathless journey back to the original Self that has been waiting here all along. So come and share your journey with me and us here in the comments and on Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/BlueEarthAwakening. For this is how we cultivate the trust we need to carry on and step forth out of the illusion of safety that our spiritual closet has given us.

♡ Jeanette

28 Comments
Bethany in Vancouver
11/5/2013 01:22:56 pm

Thank you for this invitation, Jeanette, and for your heartfelt sharing. I have definitely isolated and become reclusive. I just don't have the energy to engage much in the world, though I would love to be more engaged. When I do engage, I am unable to feel connected. I experience a loneliness that is unspeakably painful. I am disconnected from my interests, so I spend a lot of time thinking too much. I have very low energy and motivation. You're right -- it is a "pathless journey" and I really don't know if I am on the way back to my original Self. Old perceptions (ways of seeing and feeling) have fallen away, and nothing new has replaced them. It is very hard to see and accept life as it is; and very hard to trust. I live in limbo. Often it is more like "survival" than "living." Yes, I do wish someone could fix me. I feel like a lost child, desperate for someone to take me by the hand and show me the way. As you say, "we are not in control and we never were." This is hard to accept.

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Jeanette link
11/8/2013 01:19:41 pm

Dear Bethany,
I hear you and can certainly empathize with your feelings. It is so challenging when the old has fallen away, but we do not yet see the new coming into view. That is where it feels so essential that we find ways and places where we can connect with each other. Sometimes there isn't much more we can offer each other than empathy, but even that can help us trust that something bigger than us is at the helm. And yes, the loneliness can be unbearable sometimes, but I sense that even that serves a purpose. Sending blessings to you and gratitude for your willingness to share so honestly. ♡

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Mary
5/24/2015 11:24:08 pm

The emptiness inside is unbearable! Having been very out going energnic in the past this is not a place I understand. PTSD I have a label but that doesn't help the underlying issues! I had a visit in a vision of a Shaman! Which lead me to more researching and found this web site! Thank you I'm grateful I would rather say I'm coming out of a spiritual closet than PTSD it just makes more sense ! I'm bottomed out and feel a need to embrace these gifts but everyone wants money can you recommend any reading materials? Thank you again Mary

lynda
11/22/2013 03:12:50 am

hi Bethany i have found this useful for quietening the mind and clearing negative thoughts.


http://www.artofliving.org/meditation/free-online-meditation

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Jeanette
11/23/2013 09:57:01 am

Thanks for sharing this breathing meditation Lynda. It is a nice way to help address negative emotions.

Monisha
11/26/2013 06:11:28 am

Hi Bethany. I feel exactly the same as you. In a place of utter confusion. It is hard and I resonate with everything that you are saying, as if I have fell into the Rabbit Hole and don't know HOW to get out. Maybe this loneliness has a purpose, I think for me its does. I feel as if I am 2 people right now, the person I was prior to my daughters passing and someone new after, but I don't know WHO she is as yet...this is where I a confused. And this is only one thing. I feel that everything in my life is being examined and re-examined, friends, family, beliefs, hopes, dreams and what I want to do with my life. I just wanted you to know that I understand.

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Bethany
11/26/2013 12:34:04 pm

Thank you Monisha for your heartfelt sharing. There is too much loneliness in the world at this time and it's just not right. It's strange that we have "evolved" so much in terms of technology, yet deep human connection is still missing for so many people. I appreciate this internet connection, but wish you were nearby so we could have tea!

Bethany
11/26/2013 01:30:13 pm

I accidentally unsubscribed. Hoping this message allows me to subscribe again!

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Jeanette
12/3/2013 01:16:48 pm

Looks like you're back on board Bethany & we're glad to have you. I too wish there were more ways to connect with other souls like you in my immediate area. I can't help but believe that this sense of longing for other souls is part of our evolution. My need to be surrounded by many, many acres of wilderness without a lot of people makes me value the connections I have through this electronic media. So thanks for sharing!

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Julie
12/13/2013 01:23:49 am

Jeanette, I'm so glad I found your site today. I'm on medical leave, which in a strange way is a blessing as I have the time to meditate, pray, reflect and find helpful souls on sites such as yours. The almost paralyzing fear of the "reality" around me we call life is what lead me to - wherever it is that I am now. What is happening to our beautiful Earth, poisons purposely imposed upon us...the fear of what type of future lays for my children and grandchildren...that was where my unspeakable fear arose. As if a calling, I've found that people and, I dare say many, many unseen friends/helpers are surrounding me, lifting me up and showing me truths of our unreality here on Earth. I am learning deeper truths about our purpose of this story we all join in collaboratively and the amazing importance of our evolution and enlightenment during our separation from our true selves and our God/Source. We are not alone, we are truly one with ALL and ALL with one. I have a new sense of "God" our Source and that God is in control, yet empowers us with much creative ability, sometimes for enjoyment. But I have been shown that we are all here for an extremely important enhancement process which will benefit ALL souls everywhere. Those of us who are awake need to share, as you do, so all here on our precious Earth can awaken and we can move on out of this dark, disturbing story! Thank you for sharing your site for a nourishing environment for seekers. <3

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Jeanette
12/13/2013 10:25:15 am

Hello Julie,
Thank you so much for your comment and for finding your way here. I resonate so much with what you shared. It is ironic how often fear and our own inner crisis is the very thing that begins to open us up to this whole new world. Yes, together we are waking up to a new way of being with each other and this beautiful Blue Earth. I am glad to meet another Soul on this conscious journey! Deep Blessings ♡

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Melody
1/27/2014 03:05:57 am

Dear Jeanette,
I hope it is not to late to post here.I have been thinking a lot about my spiritual journey lately.I have all ready figured out that many people that have a deep spiritual awakening are considered mentally ill but they probably just could not understand what was happening to them and did not know how to continue a normal life.My own awakening started when I was a teen and has gently carried me to where I am today.I have come to a place in my life where I feel I can share my journey with other people but when they ask me why I have such faith in a higher power they never believe me and usually just laugh at me.Sometimes I wonder if they are right in their reactions,but then I remember what was promised to me that day and I know it really happened.So I will continue to do my best to share goodness and light into the world with the hope that I will leave it a better place. Thank-you for letting me share my journey,have a wonderful day.

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jeanette link
1/28/2014 01:25:44 am

Thank you so much for sharing Melody. Your words ring very true for me about the skepticism that most of us receive about our Spiritual experiences and our faith. In fact, I believe that without some sort of powerful personal mystical experience that we would not have the courage to stay on our Soul's Path. And if you so choose, I would be honored to hear more about your experience, for despite many visions and synchrinistic experiences (that even saved my life), I sometimes still question my own faith. So thank you for your testimony for all of our sakes!

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Donna link
3/23/2014 02:35:09 pm

I am a Filipino I am now working in Canada since December. Prior to that my son passed away, I hold on to God, angels and Prayers...One of my hobby is to talk to my Angels. When I arrived here I felt I am home but it is too cold and I need to walk for 30 minutes to my workplace, I am keeping myself busy by singing and praying and asking my Angels to wrap their wings around me to keep me warm, I can feel that from my right to left hands down to my left and right foot, it truly warms me..
Daily routine and before I sleep I talk to my soul and asking him to show me what our mission is, in my dreams I can see persons and events vividly..I also ask him who are our soul friends and who are the ones that we need to forgive or be forgiven. Why did I address my soul as He, it is because often times when I see my reflection in the mirror in the morning, I look like a male. I also noticed that my facial features are somewhat different now than few years before, like my eyes was bigger when I was in high school but now its smaller. every morning I talk to the Sun to recharge me, because usually snow falls here. One time in a snowy afternoon, I asked the Sun to show his energy and beat the snow to make us warm. I raised my hand and together we energized, so after 30minutes the snow stops and the Sun came out again I was amazed that we did it...
I have check the Signs of a Nervous Breakdown or Signs of Spiritual Awakening? I am experiencing 10 of that. Thank you for the information in your site that helps us to understand what we are experiencing. I believe that my Angels showed me this, to better understand this process. I thought the signs are for pre menopausal, by the way I am turning 42 this year. I think some of my chakras are under working and others are over working, I hope I can find materials or information on how to balance it. I also try the Somatic Awareness Exercise before and I will practice it again. Likewise the Mind manifestation power thru listening guidance. Thank you BlueEarth awakening!!

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Monisha
3/24/2014 08:07:02 am

Hi Donna

Your story touched me very much.
We share very similar experiences, except I am only learning now to reach out to God, the universe, angels, since my daughter died. The difference now is that I know this energy exists, prior to her death, I just wondered.

I also live in Toronto, Canada

Monisha

Reply
donna link
3/26/2014 06:22:24 am

Hi Monisha
Thank you for your message.
My Family (Grandmother, Grandfather and Uncle) are healers (Catholics), I can do some since my mid 20s they taught me but just for emergency and for children. I have a feeling that may be a gypsy in one of my lifetime (because of the choices like accessories, clothes, etc). There was a time I saw my body lying down and my spirit sat down and ready to go. I stopped him and told him that I still have my children, then I woke up. That time I was so depressed maybe that is why...
Now what I do is praying to Angel Michael for Guidance and Angel Rafael for healing and help me heal people here thru food and drinks I serve (because I work in a restaurant) and thru smile, wave, Hugs of people who needs it.. Of course My Angel Uriel is always with me.
Here is my FB https://www.facebook.com/mtanael or email donna_renai9@yahoo.com

Monisha
3/27/2014 08:15:24 am

Hi Donna thank you for your reply.
I have emailed you :)
Where in Canada do you live?

Monisha

Monisha
3/27/2014 08:15:36 am

Hi Donna thank you for your reply.
I have emailed you :)
Where in Canada do you live?

Monisha

Monisha Ramgahan
3/27/2014 08:15:53 am

Hi Donna thank you for your reply.
I have emailed you :)
Where in Canada do you live?

Monisha

Donna
3/27/2014 09:24:38 am

Hi Monisha

I have replied your email, I live in Calgary Brooks. You may check this video to help you assess your feeling.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6B7HM6h6_8

I also listen to some of this relaxing music before sleeping.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHfIfGlNrx4

I also listens to praising or worshiping songs, you can find it in youtube too.
If you like dancing it will help you to relax too.
Regards

Jeanette
3/24/2014 01:24:46 pm

Thank you for your deep sharing Donna and I too am so glad your angels guided you here. This website came to me as a vision and a response to my deep desire for connecting with other Souls in Transformation during the hardest parts of my journey and I am glad it is helpful.

Your intuition sounds so strong...I would trust the guidance you receive from your prayers about what will assist you the most in your journey of awakening. If you have not seen it you might want to check out the online Neuro-somatic Training course that I offer free/by donation at http://www.somapsychesoul.com/neuro-somatic-training-course.html.

The question that comes to me to extend to you is "what is the gift that your son and his passing brought into your life?" I know it may sound like a strange question, but I know that no Soul touches our lives without great purpose and I wonder what this experience of loss and transformation is Calling you into.

Thanks again for sharing. It is so helpful for us to hear about other people's journeys to wake up to Our True Purpose! And let me/us know if there is anyway we can be of support to you.

<3 Jeanette of Blue Earth Awakening

Reply
Donna link
3/26/2014 06:29:47 am

Hi Jeanette

When I arrived here I was so worried, crying every night remembering my son. My relatives who passed away do always appears in my dreams (before, while and after my sons passed away). My son also wave goodbye to me. what wakes me up after those lonely days was I dreamt of the Armor of GOD (complete set of Angel Michael armor) small and it is in my bag, that was the message I received in my dreams. from that day on I am confident that my Angels are here guiding and protecting me.. Thank you for the link I will check it and very interested to develop this power..

Donna link
3/26/2014 06:30:35 am

Hi Jeanette

When I arrived here I was so worried, crying every night remembering my son. My relatives who passed away do always appears in my dreams (before, while and after my sons passed away). My son also wave goodbye to me. what wakes me up after those lonely days was I dreamt of the Armor of GOD (complete set of Angel Michael armor) small and it is in my bag, that was the message I received in my dreams. from that day on I am confident that my Angels are here guiding and protecting me.. Thank you for the link I will check it and very interested to develop this power..

Donna
3/27/2014 04:45:39 am

HI Jeanette

Yesterday I stared in the door glass in the store I am working at. I saw different shapes of faces and hair styles in my reflections, at first I was scared then I ask Angel Uriel and Angel Michael to help me then it eases my mind. After that I tried to look on the floor it was white and I closed my eyes its the same for awhile. Last night I had a dream NORTHWEST is the name of the airline (I think its a direction for me to go). Years ago I have a feeling that I need to go to France and learn French...I checked the map and France is also in Northwest. I am here in Alberta and I think I need to go to the Northwest of Canada. Please advise. Furhtermore one of the vivid scene was I run a mile and climb up to the top of a very high and stiff stairs. After that there was a girl looks like my assistant hand me over a unusual shape of ring with big Pink stone, she said I have to wear it so they can identifiy me, then when I wear thee ring it turns out to a crown then the stone still there at the center of the crown.......By the way I try to access the site you have given for training, it says the page not found error. Please and regards

Jeanette
3/27/2014 06:12:42 am

Hello Donna,
Interesting that you were not able to open the link to the neuro-somatic training as I had no problem, so perhaps that is not what you need right now. If you feel strongly guided you can also find it by going to the home page at http://www.somapsychesoul.com/.

It sounds like you are having your third eye begin to open up and to be shown your face in past incarnations (at least that is my sense). Indeed a good time to simply ask for assistance from your angels as you did, for you will always receive assistance.

The dream is a bit harder for I am hesitant to every interpret someone else's dreams for them. I feel that this whole process is learning to open to our own inner guidance and trusting that you will receive the insight you need. I might suggest you try drawing the image of the drawing, even in a very simple way and then having a conversation with it. Oftentimes it is easier to connect with our inner guide through images than through words, even if we do not think of ourselves as artistic. So I would try drawing the image of you and the crown and the pink stone and ask for guidance from your angels as to the meaning. Perhaps that would also give you some clarity on the possibility of moving. Let me know what comes through. Holding you in the Light with Deep Blessings <3

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Donna
3/27/2014 09:19:09 am

Thank you very much I can access this site now Jeanette. Also I will try to draw it and seek guidance. Thanks again for the information.

Reply
Posting for Valerie
5/5/2014 12:18:06 pm

I am sharing this wonderful email sent to me by Valerie as she asked if I would copy it and share it for her here for all of you dear souls to benefit from her journey and her deep wisdom. <3 Jeanette

"Dear Soul Sister Jeanette,

Your website is pretty awesome and very informative! What a wonderful time we live in!

Some more of my story.. at age 5 I misunderstood some instructions, my beautiful Mum was beside herself as I did not appear at a road crossing at the supposed time. She was extremely anxious, and most probably into 'flight or fight' mode. I arrived 15 mins late! She began to verbally abuse me and threaten to beat me within a inch of my life! I ran all the way home with her pursuing me! (my own flight or fight) I do not remember the beatings, I remember right before and then many hours later! I became frozen (freeze) With an EFT practitioner just before Christmas I had the memory of my frozen 5 year old and saw clearly that what my lovely mum had said, and I believed what she what screamed at me, that I was a bad little girl! Many similar occurrences happened over the years, her mental state was very precarious. All the occurrences from beatings and verbal abuse became compounded! She frequently left my Father and took me with her, then she would
crash (this could possible be a form of Bi-polar, just another label) I then would take care of her until she became manic and would return to my Father. I had 13 schools moves in as many years! You will be able to see that my sons wife's behavior triggered deep inside the same affect that Mum had on me. Thru the years I have done hours and hours of counseling (talk therapy) tried hundreds of things and in my own way was step by step healing. I was married once to a very taciturn and emotional unavailable man and had three beautiful boys. My youngest boy was killed at age 4 years (1978) and for 5 years I was a basket case. I left that marriage 18 months after my sons death. I am hoping for some healing for my former husband as I feel he was traumatized around the age of 3 years. Both my boys now 44 ans 46 carry both their parents wounds as I carry my lovely Mums (did)! They were traumatized thru their brothers death and then again when my
husband and I separated, as parents we could not be there for them emotionally! I feel now that my healing will spread like a healing balm for them as I share my story with them. I urge them to seek some kind of trauma release. There was always a lot of shame and guilt in everything I did. I was also indoctrinated with a very fundamental religion which further hurt me. Many times my lovely Mum tried to commit suicide and I have wanted to die on many, many occasions the suppressed feelings were so great. The religious indoctrination was that I could never be good enough for God as I was a 'bad little girl' I carried that message , fragmented in my unconscious for 65 years!! There was nothing and nowhere to turn at times, and it has been a very lonely journey, I isolated myself to protect myself from the anxiety that would overwhelm me, I thought I was crazy like my Mum, I suffered greatly from migraine headaches, which I realize now was the bodies
way of releasing the trapped energy of my freeze state. I developed food sensitivities. When I was on medication I seemed better and have become a very proficient gardener, knitter and a wonderful Ballroom/Latin dancer. I had my own house cleaning business for 25 years and had clients for 25 years. Looking back I marvel at my tenacity! I believe the energy that gets released when doing those things again helped to release some of the trapped energy. I have been doing EFT since last year and it has helped me greatly. Last year I came off the medication very slowly, went on a different way of eating, (no sugar no wheat) I lost 20lbs, hoping to be able to find some kind of peace now approaching 70 and not working so much. It was, has been, my time for healing!

Jeanette, Soul Sister, you have no idea the enormous feelings of joy and gratitude I feel about your website. The donation is just another form of 'energy' a small thank you for info that has pulled things together for me. Mostly understanding that we are ALL magnificent beings, our journey here on this Planet at this time is so important for we are LIGHT-WORKERS!! I have no hesitation now about telling people my story, I am not afraid if they think I am crazy. Our beautiful Blue Planet must be preserved! We must all come together in LOVE without JUDGEMENT, rejoicing in our uniqueness!

Is there someway you can post this for me, so I don't have to repeat myself. You have my permission!

It has been a true pleasure to be able to tell some of my story to someone who has been on a similar/same journey, a journey to wholeness!

LOVE, JOY and PEACE and most of all LIGHT!! Valerie"

Reply
Emery link
5/8/2019 04:20:01 pm

Thanks again for the information, what a transformation!

Reply



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    Jeanette Amlie

    This page is specifically designed to allow us to share our stories and interact. I want to hear your experiences as much as I feel called to share mine, so I invite you to have the courage to begin to step out of your own spiritual closet and together we will find our way home. ♡♡♡

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