Sometimes in life we forget that we have unique gifts & talents that our heart & soul longs to share with the world. Especially in times of hardship, which is prevalent all around us now, it is easy for this inner voice & vision to get drowned out by the noisy demands of the physical world. Yet many of us know that we will shrivel up & die if we abandon this true calling & simply jump into the fray & fight for our piece of the pie. Some of us long to find a way to participate in a new way that no longer separates our daily life from our heart's longing.
This is true for me now more than ever before. In the last few months my health threatened the continuance of this physical life. It took me through inner terrain that was still unexplored at the deepest depths of my soul. I realized in this process that I had become confused & uncommitted about life itself in the wake of unfulfilled dreams. I realized too, from the ephemeral gift of a dying friend, that I could no longer be ambivalent about life, this life, "my" life. And in this realization a series of amazing & synchronistic events arose to literally save this life, "my" life.
I would love to say that I had profound revelations or epiphanies during this time. Yet the truth is that I was simply confronted with the question of whether I wanted to live. I knew I no longer had a death wish like I have at other times in my life, but I couldn't say without hesitation that I had a "Life-wish" either. Yet by honestly admitting this to Source GodDess & surrendering my ego's attempt to come up with one more scheme to save or protect myself, something amazing happened & resources arose that I could never have imagined.
So here I am.....still in a body, still on this planet at this time in herstory. So my prayer has become "What now GodDess?" And I know that the deepest revelation I had during this time was how I had abandoned my love of painting decades ago as a result of a series of unfortunate events when I was a young woman eager to step out into the world. So "what now?" seems to include painting again, if/how/when it is to be shared with the world I do not know, but I shall paint my heart out none-the-less & allow this inner voice to sing once again with renewed passion!